Thursday, September 10, 2009

I Can't Detox

Okay, so I've tried everything like you have. No carbs. Exercising like Crazy. Not exercising at all (then you don't need to eat, right?!). The French Way. The Substitutes. The Cleanse. Trying Not To Think About It.
And the results were thus: I turned into a Bitch. I had no time for anything else, and my hair was always wet from sweat or shower (so it didn't make me look "Better"). Felt shitty and tired. Drank too much wine (and when it's too much for me, it's a lottttttt). I may never get my period again (um, stevia and meatless meatballs = they stole my hormones). I found myself with a handful of almonds in my hand, in a panic, after 2 hours and one 'cleanse' drink. annnnddd: I thought about it all the time.

Detoxing and cleanses and diets are cool ideas and great things to Google. Because it feels like an active way to do something about how you're feeling inside and out without actually doing anything. I mean, you're spending time to Google it right? and write things down perhaps? Well, the part where they start to not work is when it's actually taking place in your life. Your empty stomach. Your full mind. (and that's how I ended up with a handful of nuts in a panic).

I haven't found the answer. But I've found some (lower case 'a'). I do a lot of things right: I exercise, I don't eat really bad food, I don't drink tons of beer. But I'm also no Gwenyth Paltrow. I cheat myself at the gym, I do love peanut butter and eating late, and I drink tons of wine.

So I'm going to take you through my ups and downs, and hopefully we'll both learn some things. When to cut back, when to exchange, and when to just give in. For example, here's a cut-back: have a salad instead of fries if you're having a fatty sandwich or the main part of the meal is filling and what you're most excited about. If the fries are what you're most excited about, then get the fries, but maybe get a salad for your main meal or eat half of that sandwich. And if you're fucking hungry: get the fucking sandwich, eat the bread, and get the fries. Just listen to your stomach and stop when you're feeling suicidal.

I sound like a good mentor, right?

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